Death Monkey 2006: The Ultimate Rally: Archive

Joe: Membership nominations

Yesterday it came to me, that because of our new moped club DeathMonkey Finland MC I can finally give myself a title of President. This means that our organization, although not as large as Hells' Angels or Bandidos, has to respect and obey in most of the things related to driving around with Honda Monkey, upkeeping honour and laying vengeance upon those who'll try to stop us. To make my precidency and our club more "street-wise" I named Bob Frozen as our master-of-the-arms (I've red from somewhere that club should have one and Bob happens to own a gun) and declared the rules for the membership.

MC Death Monkey has three kind of members. Hangarounds, prospects and full members. To achieve the full membership the applicant shall have to perform some (trivial) tasks and promise to buy/trade/steal himself a Honda Monkey moped. Having the moped doesn't necessary mean you are eligible fro a member, but it is an advantage considering the number of mopeds owned by the current club members (0).

First full memberships are granted to Reindeer and Jóse Hentai who've previously proved themselves by winning a rally in Team Muerte Despacchio. John Cigarett is named as a prospect member, based on the fact that he happened to be present right time at right place. To achieve a full membership he'll have to participate actively and perform some tasks (for example, firing an anti-tank weapon or bazooka against clubhouse of any other team will do the thing).

So far no woman is achieved a member status and as far as I know this is exactly how it is supposed to be. A true member of MC Death Monkey can fuck women on his bike (challenging position considering the size of the bike. Might be worth it though..), but can't think of them as equals what comes to riding with our Monkeys.

Joe: Costs of Project DeathMonkey

Being a hero is easy and cheap only if you happen to run into an event where one is needed and you manage to live through it. Acquiring heroic status by other means isn't that cheap. Since our plan is to get closer to this noble goal by driving our Honda Monkey mopeds from Helsinki to Gibraltar, it is essential to give a thought for the expenses in such a project.

Between Helsinki and Gibraltar is 3500km and one sea. To do the distance everyone involved needs a moped. MC DeathMonkey needs also a car, which is for camping equipment, spare parts, members who've either lost their mopeds or simply too drunk to ride them and additional beer. To cross the sea we'll need a ferry. Best option is to cross over from Hanko (Finland) to Rostock (Germany) by Superfast Ferries line.

My estimation what it'll cost to get to Gibraltar, send the moped back with the car and buy a plane ticket back:

Moped 500€
Car 200€ divided between participants. If 5, 40€ each
Repairs 150€
Ferry 50€ each
Gasolin 75€ (2l/100km?)
Gasolin for car 455€, divided between participants. If 5, ~90€ each
there and back (7l/100km, 6500km, 1€/l)
Food and 160€ (20€/day, 8 days. 450km/day)
Accommodation
Flight home 120€
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Altogether 1185€

By selling moped you'll get back about the same you paid for it.

Therefore the true cost without any sponsoring or financial support would be 685€.

Of course there are other expenses like leather vests and appropriate helmets, but the trip isn't going to be really expensive.

Joe
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El Presidente
MC DeathMonkey Finland